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SOCIAL CONVENTIONS AND ETIQUETTE |
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Japan is famous for its complex web of social conventions and rules
of behaviour, which only someone who's grown up in the society could
hope to master. Fortunately, allowances are made for befuddled
foreigners, but it will be greatly appreciated - even draw gasps of
astonishment - if you show a grasp of the basic principles. The two main
danger areas are shoes and bathing, which, if you get them wrong, can
cause great offence.
The Japanese treat most foreigners with incredible, even embarrassing,
kindness. There are endless stories of people going out of their way to
help, or paying for drinks or even meals after the briefest of
encounters. That said, foreigners will always remain "outsiders" (
gaijin ), no matter how long they've lived in Japan or how proficient
they are in the language and social niceties. On the positive side this
can be wonderfully liberating; you're expected to make mistakes, so
don't get too hung up about it. The important thing is to be seen to be
trying. As a general rule, when in doubt simply follow what everyone
else is doing.
Meetings and greetings
Some visitors to Japan complain that it's difficult to meet local people.
It's certainly true that many Japanese are shy of foreigners, mainly
through a fear of being unable to communicate. A few words of Japanese
will help enormously, and there are various opportunities for fairly
formal contact, such as through the Home Visit System and Goodwill
Guides . Otherwise, youth hostels are great places to meet people of all
ages, or try popping into a local bar, a yakitori joint or suchlike;
emboldened by alcohol, the chances are someone will strike up a
conversation.
Japanese people tend to dress smartly, especially in cities. Though as a
tourist you don't have to go overboard, you'll be better received if you
look neat and tidy, and for anyone hoping to do business in Japan, a
snappy suit is de rigueur. It's also important to be punctual for social
and business appointments .
Whenever Japanese meet, express thanks or say goodbye, there's a flurry
of bowing . The precise depth of the bow and the length of time it's
held for depend on the relative status of the two individuals -
receptionists are sent on courses to learn the precise angles required.
Again, foreigners aren't expected to bow, but it's terribly infectious
and you'll soon find yourself bobbing with the best of them. The usual
compromise is a slight nod or a quick, half-bow. Japanese more familiar
with Western customs might offer you a hand to shake, in which case
treat it gently - they won't be expecting a firm grip.
Japanese names are traditionally written with the family name first,
followed by a given name, which is the practice used throughout this
book (except where the Western version has become famous, such as Issey
Miyake). When dealing with foreigners, however, they may well write
their name the other way round. Check if you're not sure because, when
addressing people , it's normal to use the family name plus - san ; for
example, Suzuki-san. San is an honorific term used in the same way as Mr
or Mrs, so remember not to use it when introducing yourself, or talking
about your friends or family. As a foreigner, you can choose whichever
of your names you feel comfortable with; inevitably they'll tack a - san
on the end. You'll also often hear - chan as a form of address; this is
a diminutive reserved for very good friends, young children and pets.
An essential part of any business meeting is the swapping of meishi , or
name cards . Always carry a copious supply, since you'll be expected to
exchange a card with everyone present. It's useful to have them printed
in Japanese as well as English; if necessary, you can get this done at
major hotels. Meishi are offered with both hands, facing so that the
recipient can read the writing. It's polite to read the card and then
place it on the table beside you, face up. Never write on a meishi , at
least not in the owner's presence, and never shove it in a pocket - put
it in your wallet or somewhere suitably respectful. Business meetings
invariably go on much longer than you'd expect and rarely result in
decisions. They are partly for building up the all-important feeling of
trust between the two parties, as is the after-hours entertainment in a
restaurant or karaoke bar.
Hospitality, gifts and tips
Entertaining , whether it's business or purely social, usually takes
place in bars and restaurants. The host generally orders and, if it's a
Japanese-style meal, will keep passing you different things to try.
You'll also find your glass continually topped up. It's polite to return
the gesture but if you don't drink, or don't want any more, leave it
full.
It's a rare honour to be invited to someone's home in Japan and you
should always take a small gift . Fruit, flowers, chocolates or alcohol
(wine, whisky or brandy) are safe bets, as is anything from your home
country, especially if it's a famous brand-name. The gift should always
be wrapped, using plenty of fancy paper and ribbon if possible. If you
buy something locally, most shops gift-wrap purchases automatically and
anything swathed in paper from Mitsukoshi or one of the other big
department stores has extra cachet.
Japanese people love giving gifts, and you should never refuse one if
offered, though it's good manners to protest at their generosity first.
Again it's polite to give and receive with both hands, and to belittle
your humble donation while giving profuse thanks for the gift you
receive. However, it's not the custom to open gifts in front of the
donor, thus avoiding potential embarrassment.
If you're fortunate enough to be invited to a wedding , it's normal to
give money to the happy couple. This helps defray the costs, including,
somewhat bizarrely, the present you'll receive at the end of the meal.
How much you give depends on your relationship with the couple, so ask a
mutual friend what would be appropriate. Make sure to get crisp new
notes and put them in a special red envelope available at stationers.
Write your name clearly on the front and hand it over as you enter the
reception.
Tipping is not expected in Japan, and if you press money on a taxi
driver, porter or bellboy it can cause offence. So, if someone's been
particularly helpful, the best approach is to give a small gift, or
present the money discretely in an envelope.
Shoes and slippers
It's customary to change into slippers when entering a Japanese home or
a ryokan, and not uncommon in traditional restaurants, temples or,
occasionally, in museums and art galleries. In general, if you come
across a slightly raised floor and a row of slippers, then use them;
either leave your shoes on the lower floor (the genkan ) or on the
shelves (sometimes lockers) provided. Slip-on shoes are much easier to
cope with than lace-ups and, tricky though it is, try not to step on the
genkan with bare or stockinged feet.
Once inside, remove your slippers before stepping onto tatami , the
rice-straw flooring, and remember to change into the special toilet
slippers lurking inside the bathroom door when you go to the toilet.
Bathing
Taking a traditional Japanese bath , whether in a ryokan, hot spring
(onsen), or public bathhouse ( sento ), is a ritual that's definitely
worth mastering. Nowadays most baths are segregated, so memorize the
kanji for male and female . It's customary to bathe in the evening, and
in small ryokan or family homes there may well be only one bathroom. In
this case you'll either be given a designated time or simply wait till
it's vacant.
Key points to remember are that everyone uses the same water and the
bathtub is only for soaking. It's therefore essential to wash and rinse
the soap off thoroughly - showers and bowls are provided, as well as
soap and shampoo in many cases - before stepping into the bath. Ryokan
and the more upmarket public bathhouses provide small towels, though
noone minds full nudity. Lastly, the bath in a ryokan and family home is
filled once each evening, so never pull the plug out.
Toilets
Traditional Japanese toilets ( toire or otearai ) are of the Asian squat
variety. Though these are still quite common in homes, old-style
restaurants and many public buildings, Western toilets are gradually
becoming the norm. Look out for nifty enhancements such as a heated seat
- glorious in winter - and those that flush automatically as you walk
away. Another handy device plays the sound of flushing water to cover
embarrassing noises. These are either automatic or are activated with a
button and were invented because so much water was wasted by constant
flushing. In some places toilets are still communal, so don't be alarmed
to see a urinal in what you thought was the women's room, and note that
public toilets rarely provide paper.
Increasingly, you'll be confronted by a high-tech Western model, known
as a Washlet, with a control panel to one side. It's usually impossible
to find the flush button, and instead you'll hit the temperature
control, hot-air dryer or, worst of all, the bidet nozzle, resulting in
a long metal arm extending out of the toilet bowl and spraying you with
warm water
Some general pointers
It's quite normal to see men urinating in the streets in Japan, but
blowing your nose in public is considered extremely rude - just keep
sniffing until you find somewhere private. In this very male, strictly
hierarchical society, men always take precedence over women; don't
expect doors to be held open for you or seats vacated. Although
meticulously polite within their own social group, the Japanese relish
pushing and shoving on trains or buses. However, you should never
respond by getting angry or showing aggression , as this is considered a
complete loss of face. By the same token, don't make your opinions too
forcefully or contradict people outright; it's more polite to say
"maybe" than a direct "no".
The meaning of "yes" and "no" can in themselves be a problem,
particularly when asking questions . For example, if you say "Don't you
like it?", a positive answer means "Yes, I agree with you, I don't like
it", and "No" means "No, I don't agree with you, I do like it". To avoid
confusion, try not to ask negative questions - stick to "Do you like
it?". And if someone seems to be giving vague answers, don't push too
hard unless it's important. There's a good chance they don't want to
offend you by disagreeing or revealing a problem.
Finally, you'll be excused for not sitting on your knees, Japan-style,
on the tatami mats. It's agony for people who aren't used to it, and
many young Japanese now find it uncomfortable. If you're wearing
trousers, sitting cross-legged is fine; otherwise, tuck your legs to one
side.
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